MÈRE INSPO-Stella Ng
Says, “Don’t let age or conventional standards stop you from enjoying family life.”
Breaking Myths About Pregnancy After 40: The Journey of Stella Ng
Step into the vibrant world of Stella Ng, a former singer, who has returned to Singapore after a nineteen-year journey abroad.
Nestled in her beautifully decorated home filled with lush plants and the warmth of her beloved dog and cat, Stella embodies resilience and optimism.
Now at 37 weeks pregnant, she shares her inspiring journey of embracing life and motherhood after 40. She formed a children's musical group, Bossa Baby, and has brought a fresh twist to children's songs with their debut album, Bossa Zoo (Spotify or Apple Music). Beyond her musical endeavors, Stella excels as the Head of Partnerships and Activations at Vantage Pointe.
Join us as she candidly discusses the joys and challenges of being pregnant. Stella’s story offers encouragement to moms considering starting a family later in life or facing doubts about conceiving after 40.
She has since delivered her second baby, Elliott, on Mother's Day. We wish her all the best.
1. What a lovely home, Stella! So, tell me, how did you discover you were pregnant?
My hubby, Jon, and I had already given up hope because of my age and his age. I am 43, and he is seven years older. We both wanted a baby, so we went to see an IVF specialist and a doctor. They all gave us the same answer: it was a very low chance of us getting pregnant naturally.
We still had hope, but we were obviously discouraged and disheartened. However, we kept trying with ovulation dates and Chinese medicine (TCM).
Miraculously, we got pregnant with three eggs and one wonky sperm. We found out we were pregnant sometime in September 2023. I was at my mom's place, and my period was late. I got a pregnancy test kit and couldn't believe it when it was positive. It’s been an amazing journey.
2. What is it like being pregnant at age 43? What extra steps have you taken to ensure a smooth pregnancy?
When I had my first child, I was 32 years old, which was 11 years ago. By the time I have Elliott, there will be 12 years between them. Both are dragon boys, and it’s very challenging.
Being pregnant at 43 is a huge difference in terms of physicality and energy. I'm a very active person, so I've tried to stay active with walks, swims, and running errands for my loved ones. I love cooking and baking, and staying busy has helped me remain active. Mentally, I’ve had to train myself to be strong.
With this second pregnancy, I realized that my morning sickness and nausea escalated, lasting until I was four months pregnant with Elliott. During the second trimester, I was busy with work, but heartburn plagued my pregnancy. Indigestion and heartburn made it really hard to stomach the foods I love, which was very challenging and painful.
Now, in my final weeks of the last trimester, I’m dealing with insomnia, backaches, and water retention.
There’s a lot of discomfort, but nothing has stopped me from knowing this is still a wonderful journey. I’m very thankful that we got pregnant despite the discomfort, sleepless nights, and pains. What keeps me going is the excitement of meeting our baby.
Stella was wearingBrooklyn Triangle Bra.
3. What are some self-care practices you prioritize during pregnancy?
I tried to eat a very balanced diet with lots of fruits, vegetables, and smoothies. I love fruits, and also gave in to some of my cravings, which included ice cream and a bit of chocolate.
I also immersed myself in information from online sources and books about positive mindsets for preparing for your baby and pregnancy journey.
I learned not to feel guilty when I'm unable to physically handle something. I've learned to let go, understanding that there are different constraints and limitations at different phases of life. For instance, I might have been able to do more in my late 20s and 30s, but now that I'm in my 40s, I have to manage my expectations.
Listening to your body, paying close attention to what it tells you, and staying in sync with its needs can lead to a more peaceful and fulfilling pregnancy.
Stella was wearingLovemère Leggings.
4. How do you plan to juggle work, motherhood, and taking care of your dog Zeus, and your cat, Bisco?
I know it sounds like a lot, right? When we first got Zeus, we already had Bisco for quite some time. My hubby and I got Bisco early on when we started dating, and he's been with us for more than two years. Zeus was a recent addition because we wanted a puppy to grow up with the new baby. We thought that would create a nice bond.
But it can be overwhelming. Sometimes you regret it in the middle of the night at 4 or 5 a.m. when Zeus whines to go out and pee, scratching at the door because he wants to play. A lot of people say, "Oh, it's good training for having a baby." But I think, "I don't need that training. I just need my sleep."
Still, we're happy to have him. It would be sweet for the new baby to have a dog to bond with and grow up with. It's challenging to find time for everyone in the family: fur kids, real kids, Mom, Dad, and hubby. But so far, we've managed to balance it out.
Sometimes my hubby takes Zeus, sometimes I do, and we spend time with the people we love. It's amazing how some activities can be done as a group, which includes all the family members and is time-saving.
5. What are some misconceptions about pregnancy at an older age that you'd like to dispel?
I think that a lot of people believe it might be difficult to get pregnant naturally in your late 30s and 40s.
I know it didn't look exceptionally cheery and positive because, as you grow older, your egg count decreases. This is a true fact. But I believe that as long as you exercise, stay healthy and active, and maybe use some TCM herbs, there's a significant chance of conceiving naturally. I’m a living example of this.
I try to encourage friends who have been trying to conceive for many years to consider a lifestyle change, stay stress-free, relax, take date nights, and go on short vacations. These things actually do help. This is one misconception I like to dispel because miracles still happen. Even conceiving with one egg is a sign of hope.
6. With your diverse background in music and entertainment, how do you plan to introduce art and creativity into your children's lives?
If you look at my first child, Ash, he's already very into art. Ever since he knew how to hold a pen or marker, he has consistently been inspired to create. During our time in Vancouver, we would spend time in the backyard gardens, playing with paints and finger painting. It all started from there.
Now, at 11, he just had his first art show in Japan. His next show will be in July in Taipei, and in August, I'm holding an art exhibition for him here in Singapore. He loves drawing and creating from his imagination. He’s 1,000 times better than me and can create amazing animations and still-life drawings.
I try to provide him with tools and out-of-the-box materials, like mixed media, to inspire unconventional creations. At home, we have little workshops where he makes things from recycled materials, piecing them together creatively.
In terms of music, Ashton is very involved in my musical journey. When he turned one, I wrote a song for him which I released in Taiwan with all proceeds going to charity. In 2020, we released a children's Bossa album, and Ash, then about 8, got into the recording studio, singing and playing instruments. He has also taken part in some of my performances in Taiwan.
He loves music and dance and currently plays the piano, though he sometimes dislikes it. Music and art are significant parts of his life, and I hope he continues to pursue them.
Stella was wearing Holiday Triangle Bra Set.
7. How did you announce this news to your firstborn, Ashton?
He was in Japan, so I told him over a video call. He said, "Is it really? Oh my god." At that time, we didn't know the gender, so he said, "God, give me a brother." He would love a baby brother, and he was very excited. He wants to be a part of Elliott's life. When he comes back this year in June, Elliott will be one month old, and I cannot wait to see their first interaction. I'm very excited to see how it goes between the brothers.
Ash is at an age where he is not jealous like a toddler. We don't need to prepare Ashton a gift so that he's not jealous when Elliott arrives. He is emotionally mature enough to help me, knowing that mom is tired, having a second baby. He is preparing an art piece for Elliott to hang in his nursery room when he comes. I'm really happy and excited.
8. Do you miss singing?
Yeah, I do. The funny thing is, when I look back at some of my music videos or hear my song on the radio, it feels surreal, as if it wasn't me, because it's been a long time. I started out when I was 18. Those teenage years were blessed times, being able to sing, compose, and be exposed to the entertainment business, performing and doing what I loved. I miss it, but I realize that at the moment I can't do everything. I enjoy being a mom now. My role has morphed, changed, and evolved. My priorities are different.
Including my kids in music is great, but day-to-day life gives me the greatest fulfillment. Being there for my husband, my family, and my kids, and spending the most time and energy on them means the most to me. I worked hard when I was younger. I had the amazing opportunity to sing, meet my fans, share my music in different countries, and I am thankful for that. But at this phase of my life, I love cooking for my family, baking, and singing lullabies to my kids. There's always a time and place for everything.
9. What advice would you give to other moms who are considering starting a family later in life or becoming pregnant after 40?
I don’t think I’m equipped to give advice, but I can share from my personal experience that it's never too late. Different people have different life journeys, and sometimes things happen much later than we hope.
But if both of you still want to start a family, there are many ways to do that, whether naturally or through adoption. There are so many different ways of having a family now, and it really depends on your definition of what a family is.
For me, home is a place of rest and peace and a place where I come home to my loved ones. It's a place that recharges me. So, you decide and define your own version of what a family entails for you and the members involved. It doesn’t have to be conventional. You determine the makeup of your family and how you want to go about this. Don’t let age or conventional standards stop you from enjoying family life.
I would say prioritize mental, physical, and spiritual health. These are far more important than making money or working long hours. Have the mental and physical strength when you need it.
In Southeast Asia, we often get stuck in the well-oiled machine of work, work, work, and stress. This often comes at the expense of family time, couple time, and health. When you realize you’re not healthy anymore and need to see a doctor, it might not be worth it.
So, start as soon as possible. If you can realize this at 29 or 32 instead of 50, that's great. It will help you live a long and healthy life and really enjoy and cherish the times with your loved ones and family.