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September 23, 2025 6 min read

Picture this: It was 3am, and I was standing in my kitchen, spilled pumped milk all over my kitchen counter. My little one was crying in the crib and I had just realized I forgot to wash the bottles. Again.

As I looked around at what felt like complete chaos, I had two choices: break down crying or laugh at the beautiful mess that had become my life.

That night, I learned one of the most valuable lessons of motherhood. Sometimes "good enough" is not just okay, it is absolutely perfect.

If you are reading this while your baby naps (or maybe during your breastfeeding/pumping), feeling like you are failing at this whole motherhood thing, let me tell you something important.

You are not alone, and you are doing better than you think.

The Perfection Trap: When "Doing Your Best" Becomes Overwhelming

Social media has painted this picture of motherhood that looks nothing like reality.

You know the one. The mom with perfectly curled hair at 8am, feeding her baby organic homemade puree while wearing a spotless white shirt. Her house looks like it belongs in a magazine, and somehow she has managed to meal prep for the entire week.

Here is what they do not show you.

That same mom probably took 47 photos to get that one perfect shot. Her house was cleaned 10 minutes before the camera started rolling, and she likely had help that was cropped out of the frame.

The Real Cost of Chasing Perfection

When we try to live up to these impossible standards, something has to give. Usually, it is our mental health, our relationships, or our ability to actually enjoy these precious moments with our babies.

Dr Sarah Ockwell-Smith, a renowned parenting expert, explains that the pressure to be a "perfect parent" can actually harm our children more than help them. When we are constantly stressed about doing everything right, we miss out on being present and responsive to our little ones' actual needs.

The truth is, your baby does not need a perfect mom. They need a happy, present, and loving mom. There is a huge difference.

Understanding "Good Enough" Parenting: It's Actually Brilliant

The concept of "good enough" parenting was introduced by pediatrician and psychoanalyst Donald Winnicott back in the 1950s. He discovered something revolutionary: children actually thrive better with mothers who are "good enough" rather than perfect.

Why? Because when we make small, manageable mistakes and then repair them, we teach our children resilience.

We show them that relationships can handle imperfection, and that love does not disappear when things get messy.

What "Good Enough" Actually Looks Like

Good enough parenting means:

  • Your baby is fed, even if dinner came from a packet sometimes
  • Your little one is clean, even if bath time only happens every other day
  • Your home is safe and comfortable, even if toys live permanently on the floor
  • You respond to your baby's needs, even if it takes you a moment to figure out what they want
  • You show love and affection, even on the days when you feel completely drained

Breaking Down the Most Common Perfection Myths

Myth 1: "A Good Mom Always Has Everything Under Control"

Reality check: Control is mostly an illusion when you have a baby. I learned this when my daughter decided to have a blowout diaper situation right as we were leaving for her first doctor appointment.

Instead of panicking about being late, I took a deep breath, cleaned her up, and called to let them know we were running behind. The world did not end. The doctor was understanding. My baby was happy and healthy.


Myth 2: "My House Should Look Instagram-Ready"

Let me ask you this: What would you rather have? A pristine house where you are constantly stressed about messes, or a lived-in home where you can actually relax and enjoy time with your baby?

Your home should feel like a sanctuary, not a museum. Those toys on the floor? They are evidence of play and development. That pile of clean laundry on the couch? It means your family has clean clothes to wear.

Myth 3: "I Should Be Able to Do Everything Myself"

This one hits close to home for many of us.

We think asking for help means we are failing, but actually, the opposite is true. Recognizing when you need support and reaching out for it is one of the strongest things you can do.

Your Step-by-Step Guide to Accepting "Good Enough"

Step 1: Identify Your Non-Negotiables

Grab a piece of paper and write down the three most important things for your family each day. For me, it was:

1. Baby is fed and happy
2. Everyone gets some fresh air
3. We have at least one moment of connection and play

Everything else? Bonus points if it happens, but not essential.

Step 2: Challenge Your Inner Critic

Next time you catch yourself thinking "I should be doing more," pause and ask:

  • Says who?
  • Where did this expectation come from?
  • Is this realistic for my current situation?
  • What would I tell my best friend if she said this to me?

Step 3: Practice the "Good Enough" Mindset Daily

Start small. Maybe today, "good enough" means:

  • Ordering takeout instead of cooking from scratch
  • Letting your baby have extra screen time while you rest
  • Wearing the same pajamas for the third day in a row
  • Asking your partner to handle bedtime while you take a bath

Step 4: Celebrate Your Wins (Even the Small Ones)

Did you manage to shower today? Win. Did your baby smile at you? Win. Did you remember to eat lunch? Huge win.

Start keeping a daily list of three things you did well. They do not have to be big. Some days, "I survived" counts as a major victory.

Step 5: Build Your Support Network

Connect with other moms who get it. Join local mom groups, online communities, or even just text that friend who also has little ones. Share the real stuff, not just the highlight reel.

When my friend texted me at 2pm saying she was still in pajamas and had eaten cold soup noodles for lunch, I felt so much less alone. We need these honest conversations.

When to Ask for Help (Spoiler: Earlier Than You Think)

Here are some signs it might be time to reach out:

  • You find yourself snapping at your partner or baby more often
  • You feel overwhelmed by basic daily tasks
  • You are losing sleep beyond normal new parent tiredness
  • You feel disconnected from activities you used to enjoy
  • Simple decisions feel impossible to make

Remember, asking for help is not a sign of weakness. It is a sign that you are taking care of your family by taking care of yourself.

Creating Your "Good Enough" Action Plan

This Week, I Will:

  • Choose one household task to let go of or delegate
  • Say no to one commitment that adds stress without adding joy
  • Ask for help with one thing I usually do alone
  • Give myself permission to rest when my baby rests (at least once)
  • Celebrate one small win each day

This Month, I Will:

  • Connect with other moms for honest conversations
  • Establish one simple routine that makes my day easier
  • Let go of one perfectionist habit that no longer serves me
  • Schedule time for something I enjoy (even if it is just 15 minutes)

Moving Forward: Your Permission Slip to Be Human

As we wrap up our conversation today, I want you to know something important. You are enough. 

Not when you get better at managing your time, not when you lose the baby weight, not when you figure out the perfect bedtime routine.

Right now, exactly as you are, you are enough.

Being a "good enough" mom does not mean settling for less. It means recognizing that perfection is not the goal. Connection is. Love is. Being present is.

So tomorrow, when you wake up and feel that familiar pressure to do everything perfectly, remember this conversation. Remember that your baby needs your love more than they need your perfection. 


Sources & References

    1. Donald Winnicott's "Good Enough Mother" Theory

    2. Sarah Ockwell-Smith, Parenting Expert & Author

    3. Additional Research Sources

    4. Medical & Academic Sources

    The information in this article is for educational purposes and should not replace professional medical or psychological advice. Always consult with healthcare providers for specific concerns about you or your baby's well-being.

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